It was the silence that was the loudest!
I guess I knew deep down. In hindsight I could feel something wasn’t right. I was feeling uneasy all year but the months went on we became closer, the phone calls, the Facetime, the visit but that day you came over for lunch just before it happened the balance had shifted, I was so angry with you. I didn’t want to speak to you. I had no idea why I was feeling that way I just was. That later shifted to being upset that you never turned up. I waited all day to see you so I could hear you praise my Cheese and Onion Pasties as you always did, so I could watch you savour that first bite, it would have made me feel better and not as angry as I was. But you never came. And then I wanted to see you later that night to hear the reason for why you never came, no phone call no message. But you weren’t there either. Just a body. Lifeless. No energy. No spirit. No love. No you. Nothing. Nothing but silence drowning out the sorrow that washed over us all. Nothing but silence within myself. It’s been over 3 years now. Sometimes I think if I had felt or done things differently would that time have changed? Doubtful. You were ready. I could feel your energy. I could physically see the change in your entire being. I could see you had found some peace within so of course it was your time. You were ready for the transition. But for us…I’ve had another child. Life has carried on but there’s still silence.
And that silence is still too loud.